Heterosexual, Bisexual, homosexual, Lesbian, Gay, Straight those are terms nobody should be aloud to mess with. Yet, somehow, many people do. Why is that? It isn't right. In my experience, I've had many girls pretend they were lesbians and bisexuals, but in all honesty, how screwed up can you be? You say you like other girls, just for the attention from guys. You'd kiss, and mess around with other people, ultimately going way to far with them, just to be noticed. Who would do that? How could you do that?
People who are actually gay, or bisexual, or lesbians, their lives are made into hell on a daily basis, in most cases. They're tortured and tormented, some people need therapy and psychiatrists to cope, some can't and don't seek or get the help they need to cope. ever. And sadly, some people often consider and even commit suicide, and here we've got immature people pretending they are what they're not, like it's some kind of joke.
I need to be honest with myself, I've been living for someone else. I'm not even entirely sure this person exists, I think I made them up, based on how I wish I lived.. I'm also not even sure that that makes since. I've been planning my life, based off of someone else's approval. Now that I think about it, It may not even be the life I want to live. But I've conformed to it..
I suppose it's normal, to want to make atleast one person proud in your life, especially when It seems like no one else has ever made an impact on that person.. But what if they aren't even real? What if, you've just taken this whole idea of perfection from the world around you, and this idea, this perception of Happiness, and making someone else proud, what if it's all just bullshit, and nobody really even cares where you end up, if you're successful, or if you even survive this life? Then what? What happens after that..
I want to start living for myself, again. That is.. if I ever even did. Sometimes It feels like I am, like I'm getting closer to living for me, but then it all stops, and I'm back to living for somebody. I don't honestly want to live for anybody. I've seen how that goes, how it is, and how it ends. Pathedically, obsessed with someone, you just couldn't hold on to. That's how it is. Being depressively alone, because you couldn't make that person proud. That's how it ends.
Is it sad to say, that I wish I could have been the one person in your life, to never hurt you? Does it make me look weak, to say that it makes me want to die, everytime I think about how much harder we make things on you, when it could have all happened, just the same, only easier? Because if so, I don't care. It's the truth. You never deserved anything we threw at you, the anger, the fits, the constant wanting every thing you couldn't provide us with, because we had already gotten everything else we had wanted, the day before? Because we hound you and hound you for more and more?
You've been through everything bad in this life, and thensome, yet we never stop to think about the things that you want.. I know what you want, but then again maybe I don't, because I never really stopped and listened to what you had to say. But I know you, and what you want, isn't what you've got.
You want to be happy, well you deserve to be happy. You want to stop fighting, well you deserve to stop fighting. You want to be stress-free, well you deserve to be stress-free. You want an apology, well you deserve an apology. I'm sorry.
Though I've yet to say this to your face, without you, I have no life. You do everything for me, more than what I ask for, and I never even tell you thank you. You broke my heart the day you threatened to kill yourself, then broke down and said what you said, to me. You have no idea, how truly sorry I am, that it had to come down to something like that, Just to tell you that I loved you, because I love you, and I never meant to dissapoint you, in such a big way. I'm sorry.
Don't you just hate those boring commercials that sort of go like this:
"Is it summer time? Are you bored to death with your pathedic life, and never get to see your friends because, well, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY? Well then our product is for you! try: THE INTERNET, risk free for 30 days, before other sad people steal your idenity and hack your email accounts!"
Ah, I was just thinking about all the internet nerds, Playing on myspace with all of their virtual friends, and signing up on facebook, because it's been rated "social networking's hottest new trend." It's fine, it's fine, I mean, we've all fallen victim at one point.. Haven't we?
Rushing home to get on the computer, to see if anyone had commented us, because honestly, it was just a rush to know that someone cared enough, to say "Hello." Just atleast, someone, you know?
I sort of feel lame writing this, and like one of those nerds. Hell, it's true, I am/was/once are/still timely, like that. I'm a computer nerd, through and through, and probably, so are you? Odds are, probably, you're just a nerd, like me:D
Sometimes, I feel as if the devil himself has consumed me. Most of the time, you're supposed to do the best you can to cast him out, but often times, he's just a bit to intriguing.. Your anger is like his venom, running deep within your veins, controlling you, controlling your thoughts, controlling your ways. Once he's inside of you, you're like a ticking time bomb, ready to be set off, at any minute. You rise at all occasions, and stand down to no temptation. What ever it is, what ever force, it doesn't matter, you'll take any chance you get. It's simply, just inevitable, and theres simply, just no stopping you.
It's sad to say, that I might just find him, a bit to interesting. Whether he exists in life, in my mind, or not at all--I surely do not doubt the power of evil, and its ability to be embeded within our souls. And might I add, that even I wonder, how we identify evil. Maybe I am the one who is kind, and you're the one hoping someone else is going to die. Or maybe its me who wishes death upon somebody I hate, and you're the kind ones whom, for others like me, you pray. Of course, there's always the possibilty that we've all been marked unholy and will soon pay for the sins we have added to our list of dishonorable moments.
We might also already be living out our punishment, at this very second. Considering sometimes, It's hard as hell to live in this decade. In these places. Sometimes all we want to do is get out, but all we can do is stay, like little puppets, condemned to our world of hurt and dismay, but afterall.. It's a world, that we did create. Evil is upon us in everyway. The devil has consumed us, and now his venom is embeded, deep within our veins.